I looked into the mirror and thought of you and all could see was beauty, I thought of your face and I felt your presence and I felt glorious. Then I heard a l silent still voice say..." What elese should you see when you look in the mirror but how beautiful you are to me."
I've been this person that it's seems no one saw the potential in for so long. Always experiencing a feeling within of having to prove myself for approval and still being this undefinable, uncatagorical shape trying to fit into the perverbial round hole. The whole time feeling so completely clueless to what I could, should, and would do better to be "chosen."
Chosen for what? Chosen to have the experience of life I thought or sometimes feel #FOMO Fear of missing out about. I want to know what Love is... I want to feel like who I am matters too... Matters enough to experience any and everything my heart desires. Chosen by life and all of existence to have my time in the sun. Then I realized that the sun has been shining on me since the day a came to be. I have been living my dreams since I can remember. I wanted things that I didn't even appreciate that I already had because I didn't realize how truly fortunate I had been to be blessed with such a prevalent and persistent abundance in my life of; support, health, resources, security, opportunities, and memories that money alone could never buy. The desires of my heart are continually being fulfilled and I don't mean to G.L.O.A.T. but to greatest love of all time is inside of me.
I Am always "Faith-ing" I believe and I continue to believe that the manifestation of my most blissful dreams are so extraordinary that as I am living them, I will know everything that proceeded this moment was all part of the journey, blah blah blah... The truth is I am what my I decide is my happiness is right here, right now. Sometimes all these feelings of inadequacy and not enough-ness come uninvitedly towards me and I shoot them down with the truth. What is the truth? The truth is, what I'd like to believe of myself and how I see myself is my choice. Am I choosing to be worthy of my happiness or not? If I am winning the fight, loosing the fight or even fighting at all is always up to me. I don't want to fight myself, I want to secure myself. I don't want to judge myself, I want to know myself. I don't want to lie to myself, I need to trust myself. I don't want to hide from myself I want to shine my light.
"Just be yourself" I was reminded by someone I adore. Then I thought when did it become necessary to be reminded to be and do the simplest and easiest God given thing to be and do. Be myself?
I it find ironic that the successes I've dreamed of yesterday seem to grow increasingly insignificant as I get closer to them, like as if seeing them get even closer only reveals the more that's beyond them. I still desire all of what this dreamer has dreamed. It's just all too obvious that there is always gonna be that dangling carrot saying " Oh but wait there's more!" I always appreciate the more. The next... the more is always still loading. It informs me to enjoy this moment, take my time in experiencing everything I want to fullest. Life seems to be going by so fast. Spending a life time working to be some else's qualified, quantified version of success, versus defining my own and , The best that is yet to come is what makes my life worth living it gives me a purpose to start a new day it spurs my imagination to create possibilities for what my life as long as I am living, can and will become. Everytime I look around It's evident, thoughts, my thoughts, your thoughts, our thoughts are always becoming things...
Here I Am Focused on what I'm wanting.